Looking For Your Soul Mate? Best Look Inside First…(Part 2)

DSCN0795(c)2013 HLamb

Part Two – My Personal Journey

    One of my life lessons (and it’s a biggie), is to live my truths and to love and honor myself like I have always selflessly done for others. I have never been alone and in a space where I could do that. Well, let me clarify… I have chosen NOT to be alone and in a place I could do that. It has been far easier to place concern over others while ignoring my own personal healing that needed to unfold.

    There has always been someone – someone to care for; someone hurting; someone who needed me.  I think putting myself aside stemmed from my beliefs that I wasn’t “good enough” or “deserving enough.”  I didn’t “deserve” to be that for myself or dare let anyone try to do the same for me. Where that belief comes from I have no idea, but it is a belief that is now beginning to shift as I walk down the path of my own self awakening.

    My life path set me up to be a caregiver from a very early age. My parents separated soon after I was born, leaving my young mother alone, with a new baby daughter to care for. The relationship between my mother and father was tumultuous to say the least, and from early on I assumed the role of taking care of her, protecting her as best as a little girl could do. I have memories of unpleasant events from as early as 14 months of age. As a child, of course I did not understand what was happening, but I assumed the caregiver role nonetheless.

    My parents did get back together and my mother soon became pregnant with my sister. Her pregnancy left her violently ill, and being the only one home, at three, I was there to care for her as well as I could. I would empty her sick bowls and bring them back to her as she lie in bed at the mercy of her pregnancy. My mom and I laugh about it now because I have a huge “vomit phobia” that I think developed as a result of it 🙂

    There are more unpleasant events from my childhood that I do not wish to discuss, and there is still plenty of healing that needs to be done in regards to them, believe me! I am not saying to look back at your life and assume a “victim” poor me perspective – no, no. However, if you can look back at it with love, understanding and forgiveness to release the hurts that still follow you today and affect your relationships with yourself and others. If you can look back on those experiences you will begin to see how having them has pushed you to grow beyond them.

    My point in sharing my personal journey is to demonstrate how you have to look back to your childhood experiences in order to understand how you have gotten to where you are now in this life. Doing so is painful, but necessary because you must heal those wounds if you wish to grow. You must heal in order to be able to experience what it is like to be in a complete state of love. Love is a state of being and it is ultimately what we are all seeking to obtain here on Earth. Unfortunately, there are no short cuts, by-passes or free rides to get there… trust me, I have already tried finding them!

(Part 3 – Finding your soul mate after finding yourself)

Love & Light


~ by Heather on September 26, 2013.

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