Calling Myself Out

“Why do you turn away from the whispers of your heart? Deny what you know to be true? Make excuses, settle and compromise… in an attempt to run away from the very essence of you.” Β ~ Heather Leigh

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I tend to live my life by example. I want to walk my walk and talk my talk. In order to do that, I have to get REALLY real with myself. I have been ignoring myself lately because honestly, the past 2 years of awakening and healing have been so exhausting I just wanted a break for awhile. I wanted to be like everybody else for a few months. I wanted to ignore what I already knew to be true. Fill my plate with distractions, so I didn’t have to deal with yet more drama caused by my ‘being true to self’ actions.

Sigh…. damn that girl that is always whispering in my ear. The more I ignore her, the louder she gets. I can no longer escape her. It’s like trying to ignore a drippy faucet. Once your awareness hones in on it, the sound magnifies so loudly you are forced to take action. Now that I have brought her into my awareness, she is really, really hard to ignore. Like to the point of impossible!

I am being driven to express myself in true, raw, unedited form. I have no choice, and I will not apologize for doing so. This blog has only shown one part of me, but now it is time to show another part. If my words offend you, then don’t read them. I am not writing for you. I am not writing to entertain you, to tell you how to live your life or win your praise or compliments. I write for me, and if writing for me can help inspire another, then so it shall be.

Below is the detailed journal entry I had with myself this morning at 5 AM when I decided to call myself out on a current relationship.
(Warning: If you hate to read or will be offended by honesty, don’t click the link.)

Calling Myself Out Journal 9-25-14

~ by Heather on September 25, 2014.

20 Responses to “Calling Myself Out”

  1. you should listen to your inner self more often, she is right, you do deserve better,much much better .

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    • Ahhhh…. but it can be so difficult when listening to yourself can cause others to perceive themselves as victims of your choices.
      Our greatest enemy, is none other than ourselves. I have fought her long enough. My only choice now is to surrender.

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  2. Wow.. This is perfect. I’ve never really tried to be myself, I’ve always tried to be the person others would like. But recently I had begun to tire of myself. Tired of the smile plastered on my face. And reading this just pushes me more, to stay true to myself and if someone does not approve its not because it’s your fault.
    Thank you πŸ™‚
    I needed that

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  3. Heather, he is abusive. Listen to your higher self/inner voice. She will never lead you astray.

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  4. I think we all have those times in life where we look into a mirror and decided that you aren’t being you. We go on this journey probably multiple times, we should all end up with some answers. You are unique in this world and there will never be anyone like you ever again. Be proud to be yourself!!!

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  5. Omg offended?? I-D-T-S! No, you are awakening. In the midst of tragedy a new life begins. The funny part is they forget to mention the tragedy keeps coming– and coming– and coming.. It’s as though the stronger you are the more you get to hold. But know this- you are special because otherwise you’d be just walkin the walk n talkin the talk. Take all the breathers you need and them get the f’ back up again you hear me? I only say what I live. Much love, Laura

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  6. The more we respect ourselves, it shines out like a beacon, and attracts those who respect confidence. Stop “bottom fishing!” I’ve been there, right where you are/were. You can make life happen just the way you want it too! I love how you project your real thoughts on this blog.

    Like

    • It’s taken me a long time to realize I deserved better than fishing on the bottom. So are you saying the fish on top get better? I guess I need to change my bait πŸ˜‰

      Like

  7. I think there are many who will understand what you’re going through and many more who will see themselves in your words. Keep writing and we’ll keep reading.

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  8. I’m sitting here literally cringing after only the third problem in the journal list. I hope that you have given yourself the gift of freedom from this relationship. Sadly it is oftentimes those who give of themselves the most that settle for the least. I watched it happen during my parents 46-year marriage, and now that she is finally free I have the joy of watching my mother find her own worth.

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    • Yes I certainly have. I just kick myself everytime I reread this. I just shake my head at myself like, “how can you be so stupid?” I tend to stay longer than I should. Getting better. Old habits are hard to break sometimes.

      Like

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